Many wives who lost their husbands complained romance. Back when still courtship, it appears the romance that makes them interact in an intimate and affectionate. Similarly, when the newlyweds, the sides of the romance is still being felt. But over time, the wife started complaining about her husband's passive attitude and lost romance. Interaction and communication after marriage progressively decreased both quality and quantity.
"Why have you never again praise and seduce me? It used to be you could apply romantic, now can no longer ", lamented Mia to John, her husband.
"We've added the old, the child is big, what yes told as a young child who likes to seduce courtship .... Remember dear, we're not young anymore ... ", replied John.
"Are the couple forties as we already unfit for romantic again my husband? We are not too old ... "said Mia did not budge.
What happened to John and Mia? Actually this is not a matter of "one who", but the only problem is typical differences between men's and women's. They do not understand each other no different between husband and wife, giving rise to an atmosphere of mutual wonder even to blame each other.
What Happens In Husband?
In general, men tend to have a "comfort zone" in a relationship. Before you have a wife, he tried to get the ideal wife by the standards of manhood, and for that he was willing to do anything to get his running mate. A man trying to catch up and get attractive women and make it crazy, which is expected to be a wife. He made great efforts in order to get the girl, though sometimes have to compete with many other men.
But after having a wife, men began to enter the comfort zone. He felt safe, no need to chase or make an effort to get a life companion, because it was at his side. When it entered the comfort zone in relationships, men feel can focus on other things in life without having to worry about looking for a companion live longer matters. He could focus on careers, jobs, organizations, hobbies, and so forth, and convinced that his wife is also conveniently located next to it.
In some circles husband, when being alone with his wife, no matter when he read the newspaper, watch the news on TV or working on a laptop, and his wife was engrossed in a book or play a blackberry. Mutual busy and preoccupied doing their own affairs, is a peace and happiness for some of the men.
For him, it was more than enough. Then men become more indifferent impressed after marriage, but it means that he already feels comfortable and stable with his wife.
Attitudes like this is the most romantic wife called and did not care. In the eyes of the wife, the husband lost romance after marriage, especially when it's taking a long time. Though the husband feels nothing has changed from him. In fact, he felt it was so comfortable home life, and wonder why the wife still searching for its shortcomings.
What Happened to the wife?
On the other hand, women need "consistent attention" in a relationship. Wife wants to be treated as a romantic, a bit of envy, courted, praised, takes making out, and so forth. Moreover, when before the first married the man had seemed romantic, women have high expectations that he would be more romantic after marriage. Many women want romance and drama in a relationship, she wants to see him trying to beatify him. Even enough to see his effort alone, women already feel happy. Therefore, when you're alone, women will complain when he is busy working on a laptop or blackberry play without notice.
When the wife was alone with her husband at home and saw her husband busy doing activities on a computer or mobile phone, the wife will think, "Why I ignored this? Already he's super busy, rarely at home, so at home instead preoccupied with its own activities. Maybe he had not love me .... "And that is in the husband's mind is," There you are here alone, I've been happy. Now I can move in peace .... "
Wife thought, "Why engrossed with a laptop or cell phone when alone with me? You're able to do it while in office. Why do not you care about me? "While the husband thought," Why should I are again waiting for work on the laptop? You can always do something else, watch TV, read a newspaper or read a book or apapunlah that pleases you ... "
When repeatedly experienced something like this, the wife will start complaining to her husband. Over time this complaint turned into demands. Responses are usually offended husband and defensively, as he does not do anything wrong. Wife accuses husband is not sensitive, romantic and inconsiderate, while the wife accuses husband demanding and looking for trouble. Consequently quarrel ensued and blaming each other. Just because they did not understand the needs of their partner, and do not know what to do.
Mutual Understanding, Mutual Compromise
In the events as experienced by Mia and Bayu above, there is nothing to blame. Both of them just need to be trained and accustomed to mutual understanding, mutual understanding and mutual compromise. When Mia and Bayu already understand what it takes her partner, then the solution becomes easy for them to get. What is needed is the willingness of a husband and wife to always try to understand your partner, and then determine the most likely point of compromise over the differences that occur between them.
The wife should understand the general trend of men in appreciating a relationship, as well as the husband should understand the general trend of women. They both will be easier to adjust, because understand why different viewpoints can happen. A compromise is possible between husband and wife, if they had a good understanding with his partner wishes.
Examples of compromise that is, the husband and wife provide for the special times there should be no interference in the relationship. For example, a particular day or time, husband and wife are not preoccupied by work and activity respectively. Could be sitting, chatting, joking both freely. Unmolested mobile phones, blackberries, laptops, newspapers, magazines, TV and so forth. Special times and special, where they can freely talk and discuss anything without being bothered by the busyness of each.
